


Leave Me Alone, Let Me Be

by artemismoon12



Category: CPCoulter's Dalton
Genre: Angst, Autistic Coded Character, Character Study, Coming Out, F/F, F/M, Female Friendships, Gen, Lesbian Character, Original Character - Freeform, Queer/Questioning Character, Unreciprocated feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:33:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29952078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artemismoon12/pseuds/artemismoon12
Summary: Alexandra Linnet has always been quiet...
Relationships: Alexandra Linnet & Allison Seymour, Alexandra/OC, Royal House





	Leave Me Alone, Let Me Be

**Author's Note:**

> Posted for Character of the Day 2021; elaborating on Alexandra's Day from 2020, with headcanons I came up with along the way mixed in with some meta about Allie/Alex's story via the Weebly.   
> Basically, CPCoulter won't give me the story, so I wrote my own.

Alexandra Linnet is a quiet girl. She can be anxious. She is an introvert. If given her way, she would be alone. It is her favourite thing.

Other people just confuse her, books do not. Stories make sense: there are themes, predictable patterns, a sense of order of events and a reason for everything- people aren’t like that. People are loud, and ruthless, and demand too much of your time and energy.

Sydney freaks her out. Though, for all her Prefect demands a lot out of her Royal Students, the rest of the girls in Royal are less intrusive than in Prima- so she will not transfer. Sydney gets them out of bed at 6am for morning excercise, but at least she knows what to expect. In Royal, they let her be for the most part. In Royal, it’s just her roommate Allie and well... it’s Allie’s room too? So she can’t tell her to buzz off.

That would be mean.

It's not that she doesn't have friends. She does. Girls and boys online who share her feelings about books. She has most of her friends through her favourite book: _The Mysteries of Habius Drake_. They let her interact at her own pace. But even then, she has a fake name. So they don't really know her. 

Teachers worry over her. Phrases like “anti-social”, “emotionally stunted”, “lonely”, “unhealthy” are all thrown around. Varying levels of hurt are caused by those phrases.

Teachers don’t think she can hear them- she knows all about that. Elementary school they made her put down her books and play sports, run around when she just wanted to be left alone. Other kids are loud, they’re bossy, everything is a competition! It’s horrible. Alexandra wants to be liked, but no one likes her on her terms. They want her to be normal, like everyone else. They’ll be patient for a while before simply deciding she isn’t worth the trouble; or try to make her play games or do things she doesn’t want to do. It’s awful. They don’t know her either.

Dobry though, Dobry is a fresh start. An anti-bullying policy, no kids calling her a 'weirdo' or a 'nerd'. And yeah, Royals leave her alone. They figure she’s just shy. And she kind of is.

Allie- well Allie was her worst nightmare at first:loud, opinionated, in her face. She was everything the kids in elementary school were.

She walked in to their room like a gale of wind, everything blown about and unsettled in her wake. Alex wanted to dive under the covers, hide from everyone. She did not say a word to Allie for the first hour. Allie didn't notice. She learnt _way_ too much about Allie’s ex-boyfriend.

Alex knew even beyond her personality, she was weird. Flat figure, hair that didn’t possess even a hint of glamour in their frizzy curls, eyes that drooped down behind her glasses. She got contacts, but they didn’t make much of a difference. She wore makeup, it didn't help. She bleached her hair, it made it worse.

Being at an all girls school meant the boys don't make fun of her for being ugly anymore. But being near Allie- who clearly is winning at puberty so far? It is intimidating.

She is also worried Allie will find her annoying because she is too average. Alex follows rules (they're easy, with written out expectations), but Allie always wants to break them. She'll sneak out after curfew, try to find Alex a boyfriend so they can go on double dates, ignore homework and skip class to crash a St. Patrick's Party. Granted, Alex won points by helping Allie with said missed homework, but still... she isn't exciting like Allie is. 

But something is also different with Allie- most people leave her alone after a while, they gave up. Allie kept at it. As if forcing her to be more like her.

For the first time in her life Alex didn’t feel scared, or nervous.

She felt annoyed...

The other girls came into the hallways to find Alex yelling at Allie full blast- the loudest she ever had been, "I WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE!" 

Allie was stunned. Staring at her roommate.

Alex realised that was the first thing she’d said to Allie that was a personal statement. The first three months of their freshman year was just... listening to Allie. Allie had never listened back.

Things changed after that... for the better.

Allie comes to her afterwards. Asking questions- not telling stories. She offered opinions, didn’t demand attention. She apologised, she said she had liked that Alex listened to her, but it never occurred to her that Alex hadn’t felt like she had a choice.

The value of silence was something Alex knew well. And she could see Allie itching with it every time the room fell silent, wanting to fill the space with sound.

Allie still left their rooms after curfew- found boys and spent her time there. But she stopped demanding Alex join her... instead she asked.

And to Allie’s own surprise she eventually said yes.

(Of course she still hated the party and decided Windsor boys were awful, but the food was good. And Allie was kind)

It continued like that. Alex coming out of her shell, learning the rules of engagement with her guide Allie- a guard against the worst of conversation and a shield against convention. An interpreter almost... Allie also learned to slow down, to take time. As much as Allie was rubbing off on Alex, Alex caught Allie “borrowing” her books and blushing when caught- as if getting good grades and preferring to stay in was wrong.

They started to bring out the best in one another. Alex didn’t say it aloud, but Allie was her best friend.

Still, she didn’t know why she didn’t tell Allie she liked girls.

Maybe it made her think of elementary school, being called a “weirdo”. There was always something off about “Loony Linnet”. They didn’t know either, but she’d known. She’d known for years, since she was little and said she wanted to marry Mulan . It felt private. She didn’t tell anyone but she also didn’t lie. She just... omitted. Why should anyone else know?

Allie should know though- they were friends. Best friends. Allie knew about her aunt’s hospitalisation, about the bullying, what her online name (but not account) was. And she knew the story of Allie’s first time, how her mom used to use her as a bartering chip against her dad when they argued, how she wished she was smart... like Alex. There were more secrets. They’d shared maybe too much. But not this. This was... just Alex’s secret.

But then it was too late- Allie cried in her arms after a particularly bad breakup. Alex murmured lines from novels she knew Allie hadn’t read- knew those words helped mend broken hearts in stories, so maybe they’d help Allie. Allie told her “you give such good advice? If you know so much about relationships, why hasn’t a guy snatched you up? God, Alex you are really amazing.”

Alex knew exactly in that moment she’d screwed it up. Allie liked her. Allie probably didn’t know she liked her. But she had spent enough time learning what tones meant, what words meant- and especially learning how Allie sounded when she was in love (she was in and out of it enough). Allie maybe didn’t even know, and she certainly didn’t know Alex knew. Oh no.

As much as Allie raised her up, made her feel more confident and courageous, made her know she could do things- hell it was Allie who talked her through last exams after Sydney drilled them to make sure Royal would get the most stars - Alex couldn’t see her like that. She couldn’t muster up more than platonic intentions. Allie was her friend. Allie was her best friend. But she could not tell Allie she was queer.

Alex wanted Allie to learn it for herself, to be open like she was with everything, to not deal with that confusion- but? How could she say that ... she just didn’t like her that way? That she wanted her in her life, but not in her bed (and she’d contemplated it, considered how easy it would be given their living situation.)

But she knew what she wanted since she was 6, and Allie didn’t fit it- Allie wasn’t Tessa McAllister from across the road, with a short ponytail and skinned knees. Allie wasn’t Mary Anne Kwan from 6th grade, who wore boy’s overalls and won the middle school arm wrestling championship. And Allie certainly wasn’t the literal Amazon Sara Tomlin who had once thrown a javelin into a rose bush and destroyed part of the sprinkler system. 

Yes Allie could be brash, and bold, and kind, and courageous - but Alex knew it wasn’t enough. It just wasn’t in their cards.

But how could she tell Allie that? Without? Breaking her heart?

It was just easier to pretend she didn’t know.

So when Allie finally figured herself out? Of course she was Allie's biggest cheerleader. Alex was her number one fan. She even actually made a sign out of blue, purple, and pink construction paper (though, she suspected, if she knew Allie well enough, would soon be replaced with shades of pink and orange). 

But when Allie asked her to prom, so hesitant, and hopeful, and sweet... she had to say- “as friends.”

Allie’s smile faltered, “Oh, I, I’m sorry you’re straight I’ve made it weird- I-“

Alex knew she was a coward, letting the scripts take ahold of her, still omitting, relying on assumption: “Yeah, sorry. I just don’t like you that way. But I would be honoured to be your date to the prom.”

She wasn’t lying about the last bit. She enjoyed the night- dressed in a blue satin dress to Allie’s sunburnt orange. They’d put their pearl house pins in their hair, matched corsages, and Alex even (!) told off a boy who hit on Allie for being rude to her date. But... her eyes drifted even as she knew Allie’s stayed on her.

She asked her online friends, they laughed at her for not at least trying it out, some girls never even got to experiment until uni! But Penn (Penelope from the UK), assured her it was okay. Everyone came out at their own pace. She didn’t have to tell Allie, but she would have to make their boundaries clear. Besides, the right person would come along soon, and then Alex would be able to honestly say she was taken ;). 

Alex’s face flushed hot when Penn typed that; the little typed wink making her squeal. Allie stirred from her bed across the room, wondering what Alex was squealing about. Alex lied again- funny joke about the adventure novels. She felt sick. Allie never lied to her. Allie didn’t know how to. Since Alex learned how to read her, she felt like all she’d done was flip the pages and never let Allie read her back.

In the end, it came back to Alex, in the hall, yelling and screaming to be heard. Like she’s slipped backwards, back to that little girl in elementary school- unable to figure people out unless she was left alone.

“I don’t like you Allie!! You need to get over me!! I will never like you like that!!”

The whispering started, “Allie is hitting on a straight girl, god poor Alex-“

Alexandra felt the wave of protectiveness surge in her when the Royals started whispering, “Don’t you dare act like this is Allie’s fault! None of you! She’s not creepy! She’s confused! Leave her alone! She’s just not my type and ALL OF YOU NEED YOU LEAVE ME ALONE SO I CAN CALL MY GIRLFRIEND!!!”

“You- wait you’re gay!?”

“Linnet ain’t straight?”

“Who the hell is she dating?”

“You- you didn’t tell me?” Allie looked at Alex. 

Alex pursed her lips, “I didn’t know how. Now you know. Anyways, I have to call Penn, she’ll be worried.”

“Alex, no, please talk to me.” Allie tried to follow but Alex had already left.

Penn talked her through it.

Alex calmed down.

Allie pretended to understand. 

Alex knew the crush died a sudden death nonetheless.

Allie didn’t speak to her for the rest of the week.

Alex let her go.

Alex knew Allie ended up hanging out with those kids who went out biking on weekends. Attached herself to the Blake kids and started making out with Casey Lambert as obnoxiously as possible in the middle of the courtyard.

Alex knew Allie was hurting. But she couldn’t fix it. She didn’t have a novel to follow for this. All she could do was tell off folks who thought Allie had been perusing her in a creepy way- she had never been creepy, she just didn’t know. Anyone who tried to start a rumour would find Alex behind them, eyes icy and wordless. No one takes about her best friend like that- even if she wasn’t sure she still deserved that label.

Homework was what brought them back together. Allie was spending so much time out on weekends there hadn’t been time to study- and it had always been Alex who held together their grade point averages.

Allie was at her desk, swearing under her breath. Alex looked up from her book, curious. Piles of crumpled notes and pristine, untouched textbooks surrounded Allie. It was obvious she was struggling. Alex didn’t know if she was allowed to cross the room, but she’d rather try than see Allie like this.

“Number 12?”

“Fuck! Alex, you scared me!”

“It’s number twelve isn’t it?” Alex asked, her voice quiet, forcing herself to stay even and measured.

“All of them actually. 1 to fucking 30- it’s a nightmare. I can’t figure it out. Why do I have to know history of Germany to pass 11th grade?!”

“Well, Ridley usually rips right from the textbooks. So, see the first half of the sentence there? Does it look familiar?” Her finger trailed over the screen.

Allie squinted, before swearing. “I don’t actually know.”

“What do you mean? I know you read the textbook.” Alex asked confused. 

“It’s- Ridley photocopies his sheets directly-“

“So?” Alex asked.

“Well, I use the online textbooks right?”

“Yeah, it’s really smart of you.” Alex said. Allie’d gotten the online texts since freshman year and it was a lot easier to Control-F for terms. Alex’s copied her right after.

“Well, since he didn’t type it out, I can’t convert it to a dyslexia friendly font like the online textbooks...” she said quietly.

Alex stared from Allie to the screen, and back to Allie. Of all the things she didn’t notice. It took Allie saying it aloud for her to realize why Allie got her to read aloud for their homework, why her screen was always a weird multicoloured mix, with that odd font... she just thought Allie thought it was pretty.

“You’re dyslexic? But you never told me-“ she cut her self off as she flushed.

“How does it feel now?” Allie said, but not cruelly.

“Pretty stupid.” Alex said, abashed that she had never noticed. But then again, it wasn’t the same but-

“It just felt private.” Allie said, taking the words right out of Alex’s shocked head.

“Uh... me too actually...”

They looked at each other.

“I’m sorry, I’ve been stupid.” Alex said first.

“Me too. You made it clear you weren’t interested-“

“But I-“

“But I-“

“BUT I MISSED YOU.” They chorused. 

Neither knew who hugged first, but Alex’s arms refused to let go of Allie, her knees up on the chair and Allie clinging to her waist, head on her chest.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to hurt you but it never felt like the right time-“ Alex babbled, tears leaking down her cheeks. She hadn’t babbled since Allie and her got drunk at a Prima party last year. They’d giggled the whole night, clutched each other and playing eye spy with couples who took PDA too far.

“I’ve been a bitch though!” Allie cried into Alex’s sweater. “I couldn’t take your no’s and then I went off parading like some kind of- just to make you mad. Or jealous! Or I don’t know!”

“I thought you hated me.” Alex said.

“I thought you hated me first.” Allie echoed.

Alex looked down at her and kissed her forehead. “I could never hate you. You’re my best friend. I love you Allie.”

“But your girlfriend- Penn?” Allie hesitated.

“There are different kinds of love. I love you in different ways. Maybe Penn will stay around, but I can’t bear another day with you hating me. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“I’m sorry too. I, I was just so hurt-“

“No, I get it.” Alex held her close. “You’re allowed to be. I lied.”

“I missed you.” Allie sniffed. “Jackie and Sadie and Wes... they’re nice... but , they’re not you.”

“What about Casey?” Alex asked, feeling a smile creep up her face.

“Oh god! Don’t even talk about Casey! We literally fucked in her dorm room and it took us that long to realize we were just getting back at other people! I can’t believe my first time with a girl was a pity fuck!” Allie said loudly.

Their eyes met and they couldn’t help it, dissolving into giggles and then laughter and then cackling.

“How do you get into these situations Alls'?”

“Same way I always do 'Lex, trying to take over the world!” Allie raised her arms, proclaiming it like a mad scientist.

Alex giggled, “you’re weird.”

“That’s me, your little weirdo.” Allie said.

“We good?” Alex asked, hugging Allie again, head on her shoulder. 

“Yeah. I think so.”

“Good.”


End file.
